Family Gatherings, Early Mornings and All That Jazz

Seeing as it's Memorial Day weekend [or something like that] and that I'm a terrible blogger, I suppose I'll give a quick recap of all that has occurred yesterday, and since.

Yesterday was my family's version of Memorial Day. In this case, we rendezvoused at my brother's house, where we cooked pork ribs and strawberry-rhubarb cobbler, dutch oven style. Because we grossly underestimate time as Blacks, I took 40 minutes longer than I thought I'd need to get ready, and the ribs took an extra hour. Not to mention the corn! That was at least 25 minutes. So what should have been a two hour even lapsed into three, and they were three amazing hours. I brought along a very good friend of mine, so I wouldn't be the only one over 17 without a considerable other. After that party, on the way home, we stopped by a bead shop, where the service was crap, and the selection was even more so. That doesn't mean that they didn't have an assortment of the cliche bead styles, but it wasn't what I was looking for, therefore I disliked it. What logic. However, I did end up purchasing a new bale of black hemp twine. Go me.

Furthering the evening, my other and I went and hung out with a mutual friend. Huzzah for friends! Again, go me. Us more like it. It was definitely exciting and the like. I always have a lovely time when with my other.

However, I've once again reverted from manic back to depressed. For some stupid reason, I feel completely empty inside. I've reverted to cutting. Surprised? I thought I was out of this phase. I thought I wouldn't sink this low again. I've worked so hard to be normal. My facade is cracking. My feelings are all colliding and neutralizing each other. I feel nothing. I taste nothing. I smell nothing. I see nothing. I hear everything. I am nothing. My once happy black nail polish seems more fitted to my current despondency. The depredation of my mind is taking place. I feel no qualms consciously. In the recesses of my mind most would call it turmoil. My smile seems fake. The hum in my head is overwhelming. I feel my spine compacting. Gravity has amplified three thousand times in the last second, and continues to do so in a factorial manner. I have no interest in anything except for thought. But the walls are thin. You might catch what I'm thinking. Which leaves me no options. Even my sleep is haunted. I feel like clawing out my eyes. Ripping out of my skin. Pulling out every singular hair. Imploding until there's nothing left. I'm gone. Cheers.